Friday, January 28, 2005
Crystal Balls
Here's the rundown on last year's 2004 New Year Predictions from the Mongolian BBQ. Read 'em and weep.
Jen B: Patrick will shave his facial hair. Something tragic will happen on the Today show. Harry Potter will be molested by Michael Jackson. Commentary--Something tragic happens on the Today show every day...Katie Couric.
Jen H: Osama Bin Laden will be captured/killed. Bush will not be re-elected. Mark will have a new (and better paying) job. Commentary--Well Mark? Well Bush?
Johnny Fever B: The Pope will die...Again! We will get Osama Bin Laden. I will have a new job--and this time I mean it. I will finish at least one guitar. I will drive in at least 2 races, and our car will break at least once. The Broncos will win at least 2 playoff games. The Rockies will win 80+ games. Rush Limbaugh will uncover yet another left wing conspiracy. Commentary--Hello...What about the BABY??? (sub-commentary--Maybe the dingo ate your baby?)
Anne M: Anne will get published (something small). Summer will see a lot of rain and local flooding. Pat will buy a new car. Either Anne or Pat will break a bone. Anne and Pat will do the back yard. Commentary--What's wrong with my car?
Mark H: I will have a new job. Pope will die. Rocky G will comb out (sic). Commentary--What's wrong with the Pope?
OZ: John will fail to pay off $51 football pool bet. U.S. invades Granada--installs Carrot Top as puppet dictator. Back yard not entirely done yet, but close. John sports huge barbershop-style moustache. Commentary--All football pool obligations paid in full, moustache outlook is bleak...
Well, that's the news from last year. OK so no prophets in the group I guess. It's not too late! Send me your predictions for 2005. This time next year...you could be famous.
Regards.
Jen B: Patrick will shave his facial hair. Something tragic will happen on the Today show. Harry Potter will be molested by Michael Jackson. Commentary--Something tragic happens on the Today show every day...Katie Couric.
Jen H: Osama Bin Laden will be captured/killed. Bush will not be re-elected. Mark will have a new (and better paying) job. Commentary--Well Mark? Well Bush?
Johnny Fever B: The Pope will die...Again! We will get Osama Bin Laden. I will have a new job--and this time I mean it. I will finish at least one guitar. I will drive in at least 2 races, and our car will break at least once. The Broncos will win at least 2 playoff games. The Rockies will win 80+ games. Rush Limbaugh will uncover yet another left wing conspiracy. Commentary--Hello...What about the BABY??? (sub-commentary--Maybe the dingo ate your baby?)
Anne M: Anne will get published (something small). Summer will see a lot of rain and local flooding. Pat will buy a new car. Either Anne or Pat will break a bone. Anne and Pat will do the back yard. Commentary--What's wrong with my car?
Mark H: I will have a new job. Pope will die. Rocky G will comb out (sic). Commentary--What's wrong with the Pope?
OZ: John will fail to pay off $51 football pool bet. U.S. invades Granada--installs Carrot Top as puppet dictator. Back yard not entirely done yet, but close. John sports huge barbershop-style moustache. Commentary--All football pool obligations paid in full, moustache outlook is bleak...
Well, that's the news from last year. OK so no prophets in the group I guess. It's not too late! Send me your predictions for 2005. This time next year...you could be famous.
Regards.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Monday Update - The New Black
Welcome to the reincarnation of the MOnday Update! Now with even more *Italics*
Yes, you thought it was dead. You even wished it was dead. The more religious among you may have even prayed it was dead...
Just relax--this time I swear it'll be different. Kinder. Gentler. Less itchy. I'm a little older now and a little bit wiser. I have a whole new group of favorite swear words and pictures I've found on the internet. Honestly I was just surfing around though (I was looking for details about the life and times of Ben Franklin when suddenly my browser was hijacked by some kind of evil axis...Possibly even "W" himself. Raise the threat level to indigo! Call Jeb!).
Feel free to add your comments and criticisms. I've set this site to immediately forward all your rambling poppycock directly to the editorial offices of the SMUB where it will be handled promptly and professionally by our trained customer service staff of flying monkeys.
Please enjoy the links at left, because it took me an hour to figure out how to get them working. You never know--there could be random nudity. If you'd like your site featured in my links just send $15 for shipping & handling and a SASE to the address listed in here somewhere. Eventually I'll get around to ignoring it.
Remember: Let's keep those checks rolling in people. A $50 "love gift" and I write a new article. A $75 gift and I'll use spell-check...
Play Ball!
Yes, you thought it was dead. You even wished it was dead. The more religious among you may have even prayed it was dead...
Just relax--this time I swear it'll be different. Kinder. Gentler. Less itchy. I'm a little older now and a little bit wiser. I have a whole new group of favorite swear words and pictures I've found on the internet. Honestly I was just surfing around though (I was looking for details about the life and times of Ben Franklin when suddenly my browser was hijacked by some kind of evil axis...Possibly even "W" himself. Raise the threat level to indigo! Call Jeb!).
Feel free to add your comments and criticisms. I've set this site to immediately forward all your rambling poppycock directly to the editorial offices of the SMUB where it will be handled promptly and professionally by our trained customer service staff of flying monkeys.
Please enjoy the links at left, because it took me an hour to figure out how to get them working. You never know--there could be random nudity. If you'd like your site featured in my links just send $15 for shipping & handling and a SASE to the address listed in here somewhere. Eventually I'll get around to ignoring it.
Remember: Let's keep those checks rolling in people. A $50 "love gift" and I write a new article. A $75 gift and I'll use spell-check...
Play Ball!
