Sunday, October 09, 2005
Burger King Claims Fourth Victim
Armed and delicious...
AP - Just when Americans thought they were safe—a new rash of fast food mascot crime appears to be sweeping the nation. With the Hamburglar behind bars, many people relaxed their vigilance and are unwittingly putting themselves in jeopardy. Four suspected victims of the “Whopper Killer” have been discovered so far, and there is a girl missing in Aruba.
His majesty breaks into homes early in the morning and attacks his victims in bed. Reports describe the suspect as a vaguely homoerotic Caucasian king about 5’ 10” (over six foot with crown) with brown hair and beard. On at least one occasion he was seen trying to gain access through an unlocked bedroom window.
If you smell an unexplained odor of french fries, or you suspect there is a mascot stalking you, get to a safe, well-lit area immediately and dial 911.
AP - Just when Americans thought they were safe—a new rash of fast food mascot crime appears to be sweeping the nation. With the Hamburglar behind bars, many people relaxed their vigilance and are unwittingly putting themselves in jeopardy. Four suspected victims of the “Whopper Killer” have been discovered so far, and there is a girl missing in Aruba.
His majesty breaks into homes early in the morning and attacks his victims in bed. Reports describe the suspect as a vaguely homoerotic Caucasian king about 5’ 10” (over six foot with crown) with brown hair and beard. On at least one occasion he was seen trying to gain access through an unlocked bedroom window.
If you smell an unexplained odor of french fries, or you suspect there is a mascot stalking you, get to a safe, well-lit area immediately and dial 911.
